This is week 32... & counting down..

Wow,

After 2 years, AK finally decided to help me to scan our wedding studio shots into soft copy!! Talk about a DELAY.. keke.. See under family & frenz for the uploaded link!!

It was clearly imprinted in my mind at the time of photo taking, i was grumbling about my "little tummy & flabby arms".. now, looking back at those shots, i decided that i don't mind my figure back then! Especially as compared to now! Especially comparing arms & tummy & thighs!!

Frankly, it is no fun watching one's body go through these changes.. especially for vainpots like myself! I wonder about 80% of the time if i will lose my youth as i put myself through all these extremely aging process of pregnancy.. Experts advise no dieting during this period as well as post pregnancy to ensure that one's body has the necessary nutrients to recover from the extreme process of pregancy & delivery.. This amounts to "fattening me up", according to me.. I see my underbust girth expanding from 32 to 34 and now approaching 38.. and i wonder about the plentiful cheongsams that i love so much in my now defunct pre-pregnancy wardrobe..

Youth, so fleeting, yet so cherished by me.., something that my other half fails to comprehend.. no amount of reassurance, consolation & hugs can pull me away from the thoughts that i am slowly, inch by inch, losing my youth...

Fear, of being one of those hated auntie-looking mummies around abound in my heart. yet, I do understand why they exist, when pregnancy is so tiring, sometimes, it is really hard to look hip & trendy & fresh.. expecting a princess supposedly helps me look radiant.. but, i can't help noticing the pronounced freckles & the eyebags beneath my small flat eyes....

Went for antenatal class on saturday where they showed a video about childbirth.. it was extremely squeamish for me.. especially the episiotomy cut.. i HATE.. i repeat.. I HATE HATE HATE OPERATIONS, WOUNDS & CUTS!!

They make me feel extremely vulnerable & subjected to other people's control.. kaoz..I think the coming months may mean plenty of nightmares about the impending labour process... wish time will move faster so i can get things over & done with.. then again, this means AK & my life will be forever changed.. Can't decide on which one is the lesser of the 2 evils....

Gynae's appointment tonight @ 7pm... at least i will be glad to see baby...