Well, since the last posting, here is my update.. so, did i strike the jackpot last month?? nope.. my menses came promptly on CD 28....
So we proceeded to try again the next month.. On CD 8, we Baby Dance, however, i was down with food poisoning the next 2 days and had a buscopan jab.... i thought that all my chances are gone.. further more, before that, i lost my voice on Nov. 28... my health seems not so good for the month's try..
I decided that it is unlikely that we will strike, so, i indulge myself in coffee, n at the X'mas dinner, lots of liquour..though we still proceed to try..
CD 28, which is X'mas day morning arrives.. My menses hasn't reported yet... i looked at the stack of Home Pregnancy kits (HPT) that i have in my drawer.. i thought.. why not try it? since i have plenty? get the hope over & done with.. took a sample of urine n i dip the test kit into it...
I watch the purple strain move upwards.. then.. to my disbelief, there were 2 lines.. one faint line that was getting darker by the minute... I shrieked.. i screamed AK's name...
He was like.. "what what??" and opened the toilet door.. there i was sitting on the toilet bowl still and staring at the strip...
His first response? "..hm... when did we do it?? so strange.."
Feelings that flowed through??
1) Relief. We are still fertile after all...
2) Joy. after 4 months of trying, God is giving us another chance.
3) Love. for the growing baby in me..
4) Fear.. Heaps of fear swishing through my veins...
Will the situation repeats itself?? will we lost hope again? how come i have no feeling of nausea before i took this test?
5) Cowardly. We decided not to tell anyone until we are more stable.
6) confusion. I have a job offer already and i was ready to make the switch. Until this.. Do i still go ahead with the switch? Or do i stay put until the pregnancy is stable? then we will see how??
AK hugged me and tell me that the first step is over.. We will walk the path again, but this time more cautiously, with hope still, but with more guarded feelings.
The next step? Week 7 - 9th Jan onwards. Now, we hope to last until then smoothly.. we pray very hard thatno problems will pop up before that. And we hope that at the end of week 7, we will be able to see a strong beating heart in my womb..
now, if only i can push away the guilty feeling that i am having now cos of the alcohol & caffeine intake...
What am i feeling now physically?
i had nausea yesterday, but not much today (This worries me...) my womb has twitching feelings.. and i felt so tired yesterday... but today? i lost that sleepy feeling...(this makes me wonder if i am losing my symptoms..).. Please don't.. please.. don't let history repeat itself...
Baby, i love you and i am sure your brothers & sisters will not let you join them...please grow healthily.... i love you... all of you..
