End of maternity leave

Life is full of choices and right now, i wish i can choose not to return to work.. At the beginning, i did think that i would relish returning to work, after staying at home for 3 months looking after baby..Yet, i survived and to my surprise, discover that I enjoy my time with my girl, and i did not flare up as often as i thought i would, given my past experience with my siblings and my character (same as my dear mummy!)

Yet, now, with the looming prospect of returning to the working ranks, and depositing my girl @ my MIL's place.. hmm.. many thoughts are flowing through my brain.

I worry, for instance that my MIL's insistence on sarong cradle will result in my girl craving to be rocked every second (even at night, with my hand permanently stuck onto the sarong cradle and rocking it!), the pacifier, depositing Jadelle in front of the TV acting as a temporary nanny.. and in the process, hampers her attention development and eye sight!

I wonder too, if my PIL's poor command of language will affect her development? What about interaction with other kids?

And will she come to resent me as i resent my mum working when i was younger? Life sucks in that, i have limited control in that aspect over my own child.. The best situation is to look after her myself with a maid helping me out! But, that option, is impossible right now.. too much to give up..

Most of all, will she prefer other caregivers instead of us, the parents?

Jadelle knows how to lift up her head & hold her toys!

oh manz.. i muz record this before i forget! Jadelle know how to hold her toy today! and can lift up her head while on her tummy!

more pictures!

Been to bangkok and back with Jadelle & Family!

Wah sey, not easy travelling with baby.. can't shop as much as i like and have to adjust to her sleeping and nap times, and also accomodate her feeding too!

Not many nursing rooms in Bangkok, so, it is hard to latch her on directly, plus, she struggles @ the breast when milk flow is slow.. so... sigh..think my milk flow drop during this trip, though i try to pump at least 1x a day.. but cos of time constraint..aiyah.. gotta re-establish again..

But the main aim is achieved: to pray to the 4 face buddha! plus, managed to buy some carters rompers, some clothing for myself @ pratunum, bought pigeon stuff @ departmental store and cheaper medication too..


by the way, the plane ride there was smooth with baby.. latched her on on take off, but coming back, she was cranky as she wanted to be rocked to sleep! keke..

9 weeks and i finally did it...

Tomorrow, Jadelle will be 10 weeks old and in honour of that, we shave her head. so sad to see her beautiful hair all gone and they were streaked ith brown highlights too..but we decided to do that as her hair at the back was dropping out. And thank god we did it, otherwise, i wouldn't know how bad her cradle cap was... though i have been washing her hair with cradle cap shampoo.

more Jadelle's photos!!

time flies.. jadelle is going to be 9 weeks!

the photo was taken on my birthday.. cute hor?

Hm, no time to log in, no time to update. Spend most of my waking hours with my girl. Have to remember to treasure all the moments before i go back to work.. so sianz. especially when she is so much more responsive now.

She is more fun to be with now and will coo and gaga and smile when i talk to her.. but she is also more fussy in the evenings. 7-8pm, only want me to carry.. 8-10pm wants hubby to carry her and jog around the house for 5 min. to put her to sleep..I think it must be due to the bottle feeding and wind in her tummy..well, still can tahan.. haven't really lost my temper yet..

Been out with her a few times.. alone even.. i carry her in a sling and feed her before going out and along with my diaper bag, out we go! So far, been to plaza singapura and viviocity alone with her.. but can't buy clothes leh.. cos gotta carry her..I need some time alone with her.. jalan jalan.. so, i politely decline to deposit her at my MIL place.

Jadelle is also consuming more milk. I can't keep up with her demands and can't fully empty my breast with a pump.. sigh.. so she is now on partial breastfeeding and supplementing with FM.

Now, i have to start planning for the BKK trip with Jadelle and AK. Crossing my fingers she will be a good girl...

all the mummies and babies!

chio boh?

My thoughts @ Jadelle's 5th week plus..

Jadelle is slowly establishing her own pattern n timing for feeding.. 12mn, 4am, 6am, 8am, 10am, 12 noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm.. and during the day, she can nap ~ 3-4 hrs in total..

i have been showing her black, white and red flash cards since 2 weeks onwards and she can really focus on things liaoz, so i start her on GD red dots program yesterday, since she starts to stay awake more in afternoons. she does enjoy it! so happy to see her interested expression and her strong focus on the cards.

Expressing breast milk: hmm.. that is a tough one lah.. i can't seem to fit in a regular expressing timing, since i prefer to latch her on.. and the IQ Uno electric pump don't work so well on me leh.. now, i own an iq uno and an iq duo and it both comes with manual pump function too. am getting ~60ml if my breasts are full like every 2-3 hrs.. if i feed her FM, she takes between 60ml - 90ml now.. so, i hope i can soon express enough to match her demand.

Have introduced the bottle to her, both Avent and Pigeon bottle teats.. NUK.. sigh.. forget it lah.. she gets nipple confusion from it. Now, slowly replacing her day feeds with bottle, while i still latch her on in the night until 8am and relatch her back on from 7pm onwards..

Taking things easy seems to work.. i no longer am concerned about how much i express if i get 20ml per session, so be it... supplement with FM at most.

I am also learning to put her down when she is awake and let her play by herself until she calls for me..instead of carrying her all the time.. no joke, when she is now 4.5kg and approaching the weight of a bag of rice!

I have been out a couple of times with her.. to vivio city, to city link/ raffles city/ orchard road/ polyclinic.. and only 1 time, have i been able to go out with her alone. NOT EASY! lots of stuff to carry, plus a wriggly baby who may cry! i can't bring out the stroller with her in it cos i scared she cries and asked to be carried and how to cope with the stroller?? keke..

7 weeks more to go back to work.. i must plan fast now..my career..

time is moving forward fast..

Wow, been a while since i last posted.. Jadelle's first month came and went with great success.. been a while since i met so many friends.. especially after being cooped up in the house with the baby..

So happy to finally dress up a little and stop feeling so "auntie".. My confinement lady finally left on monday.. and wow.. really missed her.. she also cried when going back home.. my tears can't help dropping lor..

Its been a week, me and baby @ home.. and its been a great bonding session.. yes, sometimes, feel so tired.. especially in the evenings when she fusses and cries non-stop. Still, i think i take her crying more then my PIL, my hubby.. haha..

Am so glad that i have help and company in morning from my mum's maid. Otherwise, i dunno how to go toilet etc when bb is awake! And thanks to my PIL also for coming over to help with baby when i need an extra pair of hands.. and thanks also to my dear lao gong.. who, though super tired from work, still will jump out of bed to help me with baby..

My birthday ah.. finally turned 28.. haha.. AK and I deposit baby with my PIL and went ot eat sakae sushi.. wow.. really miss the sashimi.. but, my appetite like dropped leh.. since the confinement..

Regarding breastfeeding and bottle feeding and formula feeding.. my milk isn't that fantastic.between 50-70ml now expressed out? I tried the avent isis, avent uno, and now the avent duo.. but quantity stays the same, though the time taken to pump is so much shorter for the dual pump. I really dunno how to input pumping sessions into my latching on.. plus, my girl is so fussy at the bottle, she insists on being latch on after a bottle feed, especially in the evening!

I do give my girl FM, but she never take more then 90ml at one time? and sometimes, only 60ml! but of cos, most of the time, i do latch her on for a while before i give her FM, cos i can feel that my breast isn't very soft and she cries after a while of being latched on, especially in evenings. I count myself lucky that though i bottle feed her, she still latches on well on my breast. now, i only hope i can increase my milk supply even more. Thinking of buying a avent duo and hope it will help me to stimulate my breasts to increase milk production..

Went out a couple of times with baby, in a sling, stroller and nursed her in public everytime, cos she fusses and insists on the breast especially in evening.. so far, ok lah. i dun care what others think leh.. since, my priority is to feed my girl! but i do have nursing tops lah.

I brought Jadelle for her hep. B jab myself and phew.. it is tough going out with her alone manz! I do wish i have enough milk to feed her outside without bottle feeding, cos, going out shopping will be much less barang barang.. btw, she weighs 4.17kg at the weigh in.. gained 1kg from her birth weight and more then 1 kg from her discharged weight.. am so glad.. even if my milk flow dropped later on, at least i BF her for 1 month..

realised that i am back to work next month end! ouch! hope i can get another job ASAP!

My weight? hm, still got to lose 2kg more.. can wear all my tops, but my bottoms.. sigh.. and my tummy.. SIGH...... my brand new bikini.. sob sob.. think i can't wear it for a while liaoz..

yikes! bathing with pomogranate leaf really work!

Since my last posting, my confinement nanny suggest that we bath baby with the leaf and see if it will calm her down. She said that maybe Jadelle is over stimulated especially if carried by many people.. and guess what?

Today is the 2nd day since I was trying to crack her screaming code.. and she is back to normal! Hmm izzit a coincidence?

today, Jadelle is 19 days old.. and she is changing very fast.. when she drinks her milk, she can open her eyes super big and look at me.. and even know how to complain when milk flow isn't to her liking! She seems to be more alert now.. responding to her cries immediately also helped. She no longer wake up screaming and wailing loudly. Crossing my fingers now..

She doesn't like it if we put her down in her cot once she fell asleep after her milk and will wake up and whimper. So, my nanny have to cuddle her until she falls into a deeper sleep before putting her gently down and even then she will have to keep close and pat pat pat her until she is assured.. I hope i can do as well when i am left alone with her!

Haven't bathe her yet too.. do i still remember how to? i hope so..

How am i? i get really emotional over the smallest things which can trigger tears.. but AK has been a great support.. juz thinking about some stuff that is bothering me can drive me to tears. How weak is that, Jasmine? But, i attribute it to the hormones lah..

I really wonder how much to pay my nanny now.. she doesn't know much about BF and what soups to cook to help me. Can't even massage my breasts.. but she does all the housework n cooking n cleaning lah, but i am the one waking up at night to feed her, though she help me pat Jadelle to sleep (which i am thankful for..). My nanny, as expected is pro- FM, so, 1st week, she plus EVERYONE was trying to tell me give Jadelle formula milk and not be so hard on myself to latch her on even at night..

I lashed out at my M, when she queried is it bb crying constantly cos i got no milk. and until today, she has been giving me the cold shoulder and even when i consulted her about the full month cakes, she tell me no comments and ask me to ask my grandma myself?

My MIL too, been asking me about my milk supply.. GGRHHH... what's wrong with these people? Like i gonna starve my girl? Already not feeling good about the confinement rules about not bathing and i am so SICK of ngor hee, plus hormones all crashing, plus stress of baby plus so yucky over my flabby tummy (SOB!) and they come and pile on the stress on me??

These people are concerned, but they don't realise they add stress to me.. Thank god i don't stay with my MIL now.. and Thank God for AK..... Did i mentioned he is the best thing to happen to me??

cracking the crying code..

Today, Jadelle is 17 days old.. and her mum n daddy are probably hitting few hundred years old, since her incessant crying starts 3 days again from 1pm onwards until evening..

It is hard to decipher her cries. I can't figure out if she is hungry, thirsty, wants comfort or what..

her typical pattern these 3 days are:
12 noon: instead of feeding for 1 hr, she feeds for 30 min in total, 15 min each side before nodding into a light sleep, where she smiles and frowns and moves.
1pm: she wake up after only max 1/2 hr nap and cries again. And we have to carry her and cuddle her.
2 pm: by this time or earlier, her crying becomes insistent and loud and her face turns red. Her rooting reflex kicks in and i feed her again.
2:30pm: she falls asleep again! after feeding for only 30min?
3:15 - 3:30pm: she cries again.. and the carrying and cuddling starts
3:45- 4pm: feeding again for again 30min.. my breast still feels full leh!
4:45pm: her crying becomes incessant.. i put her to nurse again, after which, 10-15 min later, her suckling becomes comfort suckling and i have to unlatch her. She cries again within 10 min of unlatching..process repeats.
7:30pm: mummy has no rest and getting tired as BB repeats her routine..Her cries get louder and more inconsolable as evening prolongs.. it will reach a stage where even nursing her doesn't comfort her!
9:30pm: finally she MAY nurse longer then 30 min.. (if i still have milk left after all the comfort nursing she did, otherwise, Formula milk, here we come!)
12-1am: Another hour of nursing, following which she falls asleep for 2 hrs..
3-4am: another nursing for 1 hr.. falls asleep for ~2 hrs again..
6-7 am: another nursing for 45 min - 1 hr.. falls asleep fast after putting her down in the cot
9:30 - 10am: another round of nursing @ 3 hr interval
12pm: final round of nursing @ 3 hr interval before her pattern changes to 1.5 - 2 hr interval..

And the cycle repeats...

i am going crazy liaoz.. now, i try to rest as much as possible at night and in the morning b4 12 noon.. bracing myself for the evenings..

Been exploring whether she is going through cluster feeding or izzit colic.. still undecided..

Life after delivering Jadelle..

What's life like now for me?

The worst part is probably the confinement rules.. i hate the parts of not bathing whenever i like, especially after feeding baby and i get all sweaty and sticky and my rashes come out!

Baby latches on fine.. and wakes up for feeds every 1 - 3 hrs interval.. as she feed for min 20 minutes per breast, i have achy arms now..and backache n a lack of sleep.. i realise i am exremely sensitive to her cry and will wake up immediately to feed her.. i can now differentiate her hunger cries liaoz.. but still not sure when she juz need cuddling. breastfeeding her is extremely satisfying but i can't seem to pump my milk out.. i get so stressed when i see the pump bottle.. get only max. 10ml after every nursing.. hope things will improve..otherwise, i dunno how to go back to work..

so far, i ventured out and nursed her both times.. once to the paediatrician and another to the gynae.. feels weird, but dun care lah.. bb more important.. today iz my 10th day of confinement... 20 days to go.. sigh..

Jadelle's first visit to PD

We went for the scheduled check up for my princess today @ 9:45am to follow up on her jaundice level etc.

Breastfed her, then fed her a small amount of formula milk to ensure she won't yell the place down for milk @ PD..

Who knows? PD had to attend to an emergency case @ the ward and we had to wait until 10:30am before we can see him.. in the meantime, our princess, who must have been going through her first growth spurt, decides she wants more food and started to cry and search for food! Poor AK, keep telling her he got no milk for her..

Luckily, i decided to wear a nursing bra & top, so we borrowed the changing/ nursing room from the PD and nursed her on 1 side for like 10 minutes..

Just nice, PD came back to the clinic and we were next in line. Took her weight and she regained her birth weight.. On the 3rd day, she weigh 3.07kg, down from her birth weight of 3.19kg. But today, she weighs 3.2kg.. which means that we have been doing something right..

Her motion has improved and has changed in colour, which PD said is a good sign, that she is digesting my breastmilk. Her jaundice is still present, but not too bad. PD asked us to monitor that it doesn't spread downwards and gets worse after 1 week..
Her extra heart mummur? It's GONE! PD said he totally cannot hear it anymore. Just to be sure, we will keep the cardiologist's appointment to ease my worries.

PD said he will be surprised if her motion and urine doesn't improve in frequency within a week, and she is exhibiting good signs.

We were so pleased to hear that.. have been wondering if i was too stubborn about breastfeeding her totally as much as i can cope.. and my in laws keep asking me to give her water to drink.. which the PD 100% objected as it interfere with her cues of hunger and affect her absorption of nutrients..

She is now on 100% breastfeeding and only latch on.. i can't seem to pump out much still.. nevertheless, her motion indicates to me she is having enough for the moment and i refuse to get stressed over the amount i pump out.. will try to stimulate after every feed to increase my milk flow.. since whatever i pump out is so little, not going to store it.. (its like only a teaspoon now from both breasts!)

AK been a great support this week.. will miss him when he goes back to work next week.. Hope i don't start crying manz.. so far so good though..

Took my weight @ PD there.. i weigh 50kg now.. so, 6 kg to go.

I will start my massage on the 14th sept at home.. in the meantime, my auntie will be making for me my bengkung to wrap around my tummy after the jamu herb applications..our indonesian tradition.. hope it helps to get rid of that tummy!

Its really hot @ home, though i do have natural wind from the windows (THANK GOD!). I am not allowed to blow aircon/ fan..and even though i wipe myself down with ricewine and hot water.. after every hot meal.. i perspire like mad.. i do make an effort to clean before i feed baby though.. hope all will be ok..

My birth Story..

wow, it sure is a long story.. hang on!

3rd September, 2006

~2am: played finish mj.. can't sleep so chatted with AK
~4am: tummy ache.. did some big biz and noticed blood flowing out.. also, had "urine incontinence".. aa huge gush of water came out.. later on, realised it was my water bag.. :P.. Called up Gynae.. gynae advised us to make our way slowly to Mt. Alvernia..
~4:30am: We left our place, after taking a shower and some photos.. started having mild menstrual cramping like pain every 5 minutes.. so.. those are what contractions feel like..


5am: reach Mt. A's labour ward and "checked in". Was given enema to pass out all the motion left in my system... contractions starts to get stronger..

10am: gynae arrived.. I was only 3-4cm dilated. Put on oxytoxin drip to make the contractions stronger. The contractions peaked @ 130 strength.. AK & I noticed that when the contractions strengthened, baby's heartbeat will drop.. got a little worried and starting talking to her. Still can tahan the contractions, with the help of the yoga breathing techniques..

2pm: still only 4cm dilated.. contractions @ > 100 strength is coming in every 2 minutes. Yoga breathing techniques still helping.. at peak of the contractions, i breathe in a little of the gas.. it does take the edge off the pain a little. Baby's heartbeat still drops @ peak of contractions.. i was worried and hope that baby isn't too distressed.. cos that will lead her to pass motion in the womb. decide to take epidural, as i don't know how long it will take.. although still can cope with the pain.. i was crossing my fingers and hoping that the epidural will allow me to dilate faster and get baby out ASAP..

4pm: 6cm dilated. The mid wife helped to stretch my cervix wider..

5:30pm: Gynae arrived and i am 10 cm dilated.. we started to push.. The epidural has worn off a little and i can feel every contraction.. though not super pain.. the pushing was tough.. i can't push 4x within 1 contraction.. it made me breathless and faint..

6pm: Gynae said the head can be seen.. he needs to use vacuum as bb is still not facing my spine.. a few times, the vacuum came off.. and um.. blood splattered all over the nurses, AK, gynae n me..the nurses was asking each other whether got kanna their hairband boh..

6:55pm: Gynae holds open my cervix.. didn't use the vacuum anymore and ask me to push really hard and out pops Jadelle and placed on my lap.. i nearly cried.. it was so unbelieveable..

7-7:15pm: baby was examined, weight taken.. PD came.. i vomited and kanna my hair.. (damn it!). muz be due to the epidural.. was given something in my drip to stop the vomitting..

7:20pm: I start to feel really lousy.. the feeling was like i reach the end of the world, i can't revert to my pre pregancy stage, i felt like dying and it seems like if i black out.. that's it.. to prevent myself slipping further into this state.. i voiced out how i feel.. immediately, everyone's attention was on me.. AK ask me if i wanted to hold the baby, i told him to throw the baby out and told him it is all his fault! arrgghh.. think i even mentioned that i wanted to die.. and all this in the midst of delivering my placenta!

8pm: Gynae starts to stitch me up. I was still not myself.. and told him i want to go home and get off the bed now.. even moved my legs which is still heavy with the epidural medication..

9pm: the allergic reaction the the anti vomitting drug wearing off.. and i feel more like myself.. back aches.. and i kept stretching myself.. and asking for more water..
was wheeled back to the ward..

So, that is my birth story.. it was pretty scary, the final part. Makes me wonder if i dare to go through that process again. but i was glad that stage is over. Can't believe how can i have said that i want to throw away my darling girl..

After delivering Jadelle, she was warded in ICU for 4 hrs for observation and drainage as she was distressed and pass motion in the womb and also swallowed some of it..

The PD also detected an extra sound in her heart..which is cos one of the foetal blood vessels which was supposed to close upon birth.. didn't managed to close 100%. now, Jadelle has a 2mm gap that allows extra blood to flow to the heart which might cause the heart to overwork in severe cases.. however, on the 3rd day, the sound can hardly be heard liaoz by the PD. So, we will go for follow up with the PD and cardiologist to ensure that 1 month later, the gap has fused closed.

We also stayed an extra day as Jadelle has slight jaundice of 9. Was discharged together on the 4th day as it is below 10 (@ 8.5).

Now, gotta monitor her urine and motion.. as she seems to be passing too little.. i latch her on and breastfeed her every 1 hr- 1.5 hr in the day (ooh.. my nipples r sore!) and at night, i do that still but add on Formula milk after breastfeeding to enable her to get more water and food for passing motion..)

My milk kick in today.. after bf her for 1 hr.. can pump out 1 teaspoon.. keke.. slowly lah.. but i think, her sucking is better @ extracting milk..

Welcome baby Jadelle!

week 40 and moving towards overdue!

Hihi,

I am still hanging around leh.. Today went for my week 40 check up.. and mentally prepared that gyane will asked me to be admitted today or tomorrow.. Did the CTG checks..

Princess J's heartbeat is normal and, what do you expect? active as usual! keke.. to my surprise, i finally noticed peaks on a more regular basis under the contractions section between 60- 100... looking good right?

After that, gyane did a scan.. water level still acceptable, baby is now 3.3kg (in just 1 week!! whoa!!!)

Next coming up: Cervix check... that was like ouch!! gynae starts to look abit grim.. and explained that my cervix is only dilated 1cm and still thick, on a scale of 1-10 for suitablity for induction, i only score 3, which means that in the next 2 days, he don't think i can induce..

***out flies the thought of inducing on 31st August for a 1st September baby..

However, as he have to balance between baby getting bigger and going overdue too much, and hence a lower chance of natural vaginal birth, versus waiting for my cervix to dilate.. so, gyane suggests that we set 4th sept for induction of labour.. unless the baby decides to pop by then...

Oh dear.. so headache.. Princess J.. when u wanna make your appearance & say hi to us??

Feelings @ week 38, 16 days to go..

Baby got big enough that it is now hard to view her on the ultrasound.. managed to upload my first video! i took a couple of these videos..with my trusty o2 throughout this pregnancy..

she weighs 2.8kg now.. a gain of 1kg, though my weight only went up by 500gms. diameter of her head is ~34cm?

Still headdown.. not in breech position, BUT, still also facing outwards.. kaypoh person siah.. If this continues when i am in labour, it means that my labour will be longer, as in this postion, her head diameter is bigger and harder to push out. Backaches are common, and often, gynae & midwives have to wait for the baby to slowly rotate herself before her head can appear.. In such a position, babies tend to arrive on or later then their EDDs and are not engaged into the pelvis earlier..

Solution? Wait and see.. meanwhile, i found out that it seems helpful to go on all fours for HALF AN HOUR every night? How does one maintain this position for this length of time anyway? Ok! still give it a try.. no harm..

I cross my fingers that i will NOT need to go into emergency C-section.. if i really need one, the gynae better tell me in advance so that it is easier for me to opt for it right from the beginning rather then to go through normal delivery, followed by attempted to assist with vacuum and forceps and finally concluding that NOPE! Gotta go under the knife.. Yikes! Still gotta keep the spirits up and stay on the positive side.. i stil tend to look at the negative side of stuff.. Hope baby doesn't take after me in that aspect..

week 38 scan..

Playpen is all ok and ready to go!

Ak decide to take a look at the playpen that was delivered.. it was more complicated then we thought..keke.. but, it is finally up! cost us 100 sgd.. size is 28" x 48".. bigger then normal..

Hearing lots of stories now.. the most worrying one is: if want to breastfeed baby, and opt for total breastfeeding, but baby is impatient type and yells for food, and no milk yet initially, the crying is really stressful... how how?? aiyoh.. so stressed!!

Some friends recommend that i supplement initially if 1st two weeks not so good and baby is still learning to latch on.. and to supplement only after attempting BF on both breasts and baby still hungry..

life ahead looks tough manz....... and what with all the nonsense about no bathing & washing hair during confinement.. sigh..