Jadelle marked her 7th month with a FLIP..over her playpen's rail, onto my bed. All i did was to put her into the playpen (which hasn't been lowered yet!) and went to wash my hands.. she decided to take matters into her own hands and probably pulled herself up the rail too fast and flip over the edge!
I heard her screaming her lungs out and came dashing.. and there she was, legs in the air kicking frantically and head onto my bed's mattress!
And Daddy was all the time. concussed on the bed! HMMMM.... careless mummy!
Everyone says she looks like the DAd, so here are some photos to compare!
Brought her to BB & cream positive babies class.. i like it leh.. she seems to like the teacher! Hm, will go for more trial classes and see how things go!
My thoughts @ Jadelle's 7 months?
- i cannot bear to stop latching her on,
- but i want my freedom and my beauty sleep!
- she is growing so fast that I can't catch up.. where is my baby girl?
- soon, she will learn to talk. Already, she is babbling her lungs out to me in her baby talk.. I have to be more careful about what we speak in front of her
- separation anxiety. I hate for her to be apart from me and she started to recognise people..
Wow, my baby sure is impatient to MOVE! She just learnt to push herself upright on her arms? and in less then a week, she mastered the moving forward technique, instead of turning in circles! And i haven't uploaded the pictures yet!!
Trying to slow down BF, but this is really tough.......... i hate that engorged sensation..
Interview coming up this week! ooh... i am nervous, more then i have ever been in a long time..
Time seems to zoom by! And my princess is trying her darnest to zoom zoom too! I mean, she juz only recently learnt how to sit, right? Now, she is working very very hard and almost succeeded in pulling herself to stand. And, she has learnt to raise her body up on her arms, and is now trying to move forward too on her tummy..
I must think about child proofing seriously.. will go shop for safety stuff this weekend and stay @ home to child proof!
I chop off my hair.. sigh.. it has been dropping really bad and Jadelle keep on pulling on it... After Jo's housewarming, i went to chop it off.. @ QB house no less! 10 bucks!
I receive compliments from my colleagues though.. hahaha.. now @ 42kg.. my weight when i got married.. hmm... wonder if my wedding cheongsam, i can wear again??
Went Shopping again recently @ TAKA baby fair! My hauls:
pigeon bottle detergent x 2 @ 16.90sgd
stacking cup toys for Jadelle @ 9.90sgd
softsounds cloth book @ 19.90sgd
2 carters rompers @ 7.90sgd each
pigeon bb biscuits @ 3.80sgd
iplay swimwear diaper x 1 @ 5.90sgd
iplay sunhat x 2 @ 5.90sgd each
Still to grab:
ball @ 1.90sgd
swim float @ 6.90sgd
pigeon peristaltic bottle 300ml @ 7.20sgd less 50% if exchange old milk bottle
Jadelle's 1st CNY was so eventful! I took leave and was a SAHM for 2 weeks.. and i tried to put her onto a routine.. it worked! At the end of the 2 weeks: 1) Jadelle was taking her naps without me rocking her and napping for min. 45 minutes! 2) she woke up twice at night and i managed to get her back to sleep without comfort nursing! 3) Brought her swimming! 4) She learnt to sit up! 5) Feed her green bean puree, apple puree, rice cereal, brown rice cereal. 6) She collected lots of ang pows (with lots of relatives claiming she look like a BOY!:() 7) She fell off the bed, bBut landed on daddy! Nevertheless, she got frightened and cried.
CNY was so fun!
Sigh, but once her grandparents (AK's parents) return from their china trip, it wasn't so fun for me..
1) Jadelle developed cough, phlegm, running nose and it was the first time she fell ill.. It was heartbreaking to see her feeling so bad.. She didn't know what is happening to her and needed my comfort more (= comfort nursing and carrying & sayang!) 2) After i go back to work, she refused to be patted back to sleep and want us to carry her again! There goes my efforts in the last 2 weeks. I wasn't sure if it is due to her being sick, or my MIL must have reverted to rocking her.. 3) She wake up often in the night crying for us to carry her..
I feel so tired...so much to do, and never having anytime to do it.. my to-do list still outstanding:
- repack my clothes! My MIL dunno where to put my clothes! So sickening! especially after i arranged it and she just pile on top! I wish she can leave the clothes to the maid. She made me feel so inadequate. - get a full night's sleep finally! - how to get rid of my backache from the night nursing. - how to get jadelle to sleep through the night. - start flashing GD cards @ Jadelle again.. this time, including the english & chinese program which i must prepare.. - pack my table and get rid of stuff i don't need - find a solution to store my bags nicely - do up jadelle's bedroom properly, with storage, bed etc.. - i want a good shelf for my books!! I HATE THAT IKEA SHELF! -
We had another August mummies gathering and this time, we decide to have a swim fest instead. So, i brought Jadelle along with swimming barang barang!
And it was a success! Perhaps it was the jumperoo thingy in the wading pool of Leia's condo.. but Jadelle liked it very much and don't seem to mind the cold water.. After getting used to it, i decide to let her float on the water, with my hands supporting her head above the water. She got used to it after a while and start kicking breaststroke kicks to push herself forward.. i was really surprised, but then, she was always trying to push herself forward on her tummy this way.. keke.. I then put her on her back.. and supported her back.. but she kept straining her neck and try to push herself up! Sigh, this girl don't like to sit down..
SOB, AK did not go with us, so, no one took pictures of us! No pictures for Jadelle's 1st swim in the pool! but, the memories will be there..:) Next time, Daddy will go along..
It was pretty tough to travel with her alone, and after swimming, i had to change her out quickly of her wet clothes and clean her up. I went with her to the changing room and change myself out of my swim wear first..I placed her down on the bench in the changing room with me sitting next to her, but i was so scared she will flip over.. *heart beating fast!* I then proceed to change her out and try to wipe her down with the mustela no rinse solution..but, ewww, the chlorine smell is still there! i didn't bathe, but i wipe my breasts clean first with the mustela.. so i can feed Jadelle later on..
I am seriously thinking to go bintan or a local resort with AK & Jadelle after CNY, just us.. it would be really fun by then.. perhaps in May or June??
it was fun fun fun!! But, sigh.. hubby ain't happy about these gatherings.. :( Maybe I am overdoing it.. there is a swim fest next week though.. and I signed us up for it.. uh oh!! *pull my ears*
Wow, this weekend has been one full of thoughts, new introduction of stuff to jadelle, lots of gatherings and my usual mahjong game.. hmm.. what a busy weekend it has been! No wonder Jadelle is tired out!
I noticed to my dismay that Jadelle's weight dropped 1/2 kg in the last week back to 6.5kg from 7kg!. Made me wonder if my milk is really enough at this growing stage of hers..
I visited the breast specialist on Thursday to investigate my "lump" further. It turned out to be a cyst.. but.. a MILK CYST! It was drawn out immediately to avoid it being curdled up inside and causing mastitis and infection and forming a permanent lump.. cost me almost 400sgd! Sigh, but it was a relief. Found out from Dr. Wee (The breast specialist) that some women do have a slower milk flow rate and quantity/ letdown is variable and is very very sensitive to the signals to the brain from stimuli.. Today's working women do not produce as much milk as our ancestors, simply because of the stress levels of our work. He also advised me to start to introduce solids to Jadelle, as milk will no longer have enough iron & calcium for her growth, whether breastmilk or formula milk. One of the factors to point to moving in this direction is whether Jadelle is gaining weight.
Well, since she lost weight instead, I decide not to wait until Chinese New Year anymore.. but will start slowly..
We began yesterday on her 5th month! and it was a success!
What else we did this weekend??
Here goes: 1) opened up the HUGE bumper playmat pooh wonderland limited edition (dual side with pooh 1 side & ABC's the other side) and got Jadelle on it! 2) went for Sept mummies gathering! ooh.. so many babies!! 3) played mahjong 2x! 4) went shopping for more Jadelle's clothes! (relax lah.. only 10sgd for 2 pcs!) 5) Went Ikea to eat lunch and had fun browsing! 6) went to Zouk flea market, spent 7sgd for a ring & a book! 7) played and played with Jadelle! She is sooo fun to play with now.. i missed her so much during the week.. sigh..
My MIL told me that Jadelle has been chuckling when her grandfather played with her earlier on, and i was so disappointed that i missed her "1st chuckle".. that same night when she was 19.5 weeks, she chuckled when i playfully pulled away the handle on the camera that she was trying to grab.. and it moved me almost to tears.. at least it was my first time hearing her laugh.. the headaches and heartaches of being a FTWM..
sshhh.. i am going for a meeting on wednesday.. what news might that bring?? Stay tuned!
AK is stressed up.. and i feel so stressed too by the stuff he is troubled over..This on top of the daily grind, almost made me sleepless over the weekend too. Thank God for a happy and smiling Jadelle over the weekend! Though the naughty girl still kick off all her blankets and wake up @ 2-3 hrs interval to latch on, she really made our weekends more enjoyable. i really hate Mondays now, when i have to hand her over to my MIL...
What we did this weekend? Hmm, on Satureday,we went for a ttc mummies gathering from SMH forum.. total of 4 mummies, with babies ranging from 3.5months to 7months.. wanted to bring jadelle for a swim in the pool, but.. the weather was bad.. so, it was called off..
On sunday, we went for a Gymboree trial class that last 45 mins and each minute cost me 1sgd! ouch! The class taught and gave parents ideas on what to do with infants at each age that is appropriate for them.. we had some fun with torchlights.. but Jadelle seems unmoved by all the action going on around her! Most of the stuff, i do try to do with her on weekends, though different songs and actions.. The program change every 2 weeks though.. nevertheless, i did sign up for the annual membership, as it probably will be more useful (especially their playgym @ 8sgd) in 2 months time onwards when she becomes more mobile and will try to climb all over the place..
Thinking if i should really send her for classes leh. Shichida? arrghhhhhhhhh..... $$$$$!!!!
Having returned to work for a month, I have started to get used to the routine of pumping at work. However, having a slow milk flow rate definitely has it disadvantage.
For one, i need a longer time to express a quantity that is definitely not enough for Jadelle. For another, it interferes with my working time and the company is definitely not happy about this. Imagine me spending 45 minutes in the toilet each round x 4 times a day to get 8-11 oz?
I realise that my company, even though it is an MNC, is severely lacking in facilities to help their staff who wishes to continue to breastfeed their babies. Yet, bringing it up to the management brought up questions of: " if another colleague can do it in the toilet, why can't you? And in a shorter time too!"
Imagine that i owned a dual electric pump and i can't utilise it, as there is no power socket in the handicap toilet!
And, this recent clash of opinion made me realise too, that it is time i change my job. I am getting too complacent already and have started to be "bo chap" about my quality of work.. That can't go on. I MUST change this year!
Dear God, please bless me with a better job in terms of benefits, understanding bosses, great career prospects and show me the money please! *kneeling down in prayer*
someone in the family has a bun in the oven now! I am going to be auntie again.. :)
Jadelle is going to be a big sister to lots of babies next year! keke..
I look at my girl nowadays and i wonder how on earth did she come from my tummy?
She has been changing so fast. It is so difficult to change her diapers now as she keeps flipping over and babbling to me about all she has done and what she thinks of me changing her diapers! And it is definitely a no-no to put any objects near her with her grabbing it and with equally fast lightning speed, she put it straight into her mouth.
It is still a joy to latch her on.. she will try to touch my face, my cheek and even put her fingers into my mouth and use her fingers to cover her face (this allows me some decency too!! keke!). I will miss that when i wean her off the breast.. until then, enjoy!
She gives me a headache now in the car.. don't sit long in the car seat and keep trying to climb out!
I have been reading up on weaning.. and it seems that it will be a messy affair full of frustration and tears on both sides! So, until then, i am gonna enjoy the lighter load when travelling with Jadelle now and a mess free home! Wonder how i will struggle with my PIL on what foods are considered ok to feed my girl... sigh.. another headache there..
wow, time flies, i have been stuck in the same job for almost 6 years already! And Jadelle, my little princess, oh my goodness, she is trying her best to grow as fast as possible and that is scary to me.. she is now 18 weeks old..my baby is trying to be as adult as possible, as fast as possible!!
Now, she can:
1) flip over and look up and around at her toys
2) Bat at toys and grab anything within reach HARD..(OUCH! my Hair!).. and it goes straight into her mouth..
3) Get frustrated when she can't sit up by herself and will scream for help.
4) know how to get the old folks running to her by crying for attention..
She start to make noises and attempt to talk with us in her baby language.. i am crossing my fingers and hoping that i ain't missing much of her milestones.. so far, she reserves it for weekends to demonstrate new abilities to mummy and daddy..
My girl marks her 14th week yesterday by demonstrating to her Daddy that she can flip if she wants to from her back to her front..
Daddy didn't know that it was her first flip without assistance and acted nonchalantly, and even told me that she already had done her tummy time all by herself... i was puzzled when he told me this.. but was sooo excited..
All we did was to show Jadelle where to place her legs and arms and she picked it up fast in 2 days! At the last August mummies gathering, she was still struggling to hold up her head! (See video clip on previous post)
Now, i am worried that she soon will be turning and flipping out of my queen sized bed! Oh dear, my girl's trying to learn as fast as she could and growing up faster then i expected. Soon, i will have to put protective corners around the house and plug up all the electrical points.
I am glad that we were able to witness her first flip.. and cross my fingers that i will not miss anymore of her firsts....
I will be making my first working trip to KL tomorrow and this pose a headache for me..how to pump and store the milk? Looks like i have to bring my fridge to go and require assistance from colleagues in the M'sia office for fridge storage.. as well as during trips. I am crossing my fingers that i won't need to pump so long.. :( sigh..
Breastfeeding in this sense is really a pain.. and i ache to se my girl waking up every 2 hours to suckle for milk, cos i keep thinking that my milk ain't enough and that is why she still wakes up so often at night for milk.. yet, to see her latched on so comfortably, especially when initially she don't know how to latch... my heart melts.. latching her on is the most efficient way for me to bond with her now, giving my lack of time with her, as a Full Time Working Mother (FTWM). I am now wondering if i should attempt to feed her via bottle at her last feed so that she is full enough to sleep longer and perhaps last through the night..
I will have to latch Jadelle on until 3am and pray for the best.. can Andy handle his princess alone????
Ok, i survived 1 week of work! And, it was tough. Expressing at work is stressful, disruptive and super inconvenient at my workplace! i try to express min. 3 times a day, and aim to express 4 times.. am expressing 180-220ml per day only. which is enough for 2 feeds only? This means that Jadelle on some days might have to drink some formula milk to tide over until i am back home..
I miss her so much at work this week, and am still adjusting to life in the office after baby.. My bosses are loading me back with my projects.. with the expressing that i need to do in the office, and me trying to return home ASAP to latch Jadelle back on.. it is extremely hard to concentrate 100% on my work.
I have to express in the handicap toilet, but as i am not used to a pump, it is hard for me to have a letdown! As such, my pumping time is 1 hr, even with a dual electric pump (by the way, i actually have to pull extension cord into the toilet! How bad and embarrassing can that get?)
I am actually expressing now, hoping to stimulate my breasts to produce more milk and get used to the pump so that letdown iz easier. This is easier said then done!
Just back from a gathering with the August mummies from the internet forum. So fun to see and compare the babies! Never been to one! And today's gathering actually was filmed down by a TV crew for their new programme to be broadcast in December! Can't wait to see Jadelle on camera..
Hm, a new year is approaching! My wishlist?? LOTS! Here goes:
1) I can express enough milk to feed Jadelle 2) More $$ 3) A breastfeeding friendly workplace! 4) Get a new job that i really like with new challenges but yet, don't need me to sacrifice time with Jadelle & AK.. 5) That Jadelle don't get addicted to TV from the long hours her grandma put her in front of it. 6) Jadelle DO NOT PICK UP broken languages from her grandparents that is totally incorrect. 7) Jadelle can finally sleep through the night and in her own bed! 8) AK and i have more "us" time together.. 9) more LV and coach bags! 10) To start my own niche online business that will earn $$ by itself! 11) Get back my flat tummy! 12) Stretchmarks begone! 13) That everyone i love be healthy and fine..:)
Will be bring Jadelle for her 5 in 1 jab @ polyclinic tomorrow.. hope all goes well!
Life is full of choices and right now, i wish i can choose not to return to work.. At the beginning, i did think that i would relish returning to work, after staying at home for 3 months looking after baby..Yet, i survived and to my surprise, discover that I enjoy my time with my girl, and i did not flare up as often as i thought i would, given my past experience with my siblings and my character (same as my dear mummy!)
Yet, now, with the looming prospect of returning to the working ranks, and depositing my girl @ my MIL's place.. hmm.. many thoughts are flowing through my brain.
I worry, for instance that my MIL's insistence on sarong cradle will result in my girl craving to be rocked every second (even at night, with my hand permanently stuck onto the sarong cradle and rocking it!), the pacifier, depositing Jadelle in front of the TV acting as a temporary nanny.. and in the process, hampers her attention development and eye sight!
I wonder too, if my PIL's poor command of language will affect her development? What about interaction with other kids?
And will she come to resent me as i resent my mum working when i was younger? Life sucks in that, i have limited control in that aspect over my own child.. The best situation is to look after her myself with a maid helping me out! But, that option, is impossible right now.. too much to give up..
Most of all, will she prefer other caregivers instead of us, the parents?
Wah sey, not easy travelling with baby.. can't shop as much as i like and have to adjust to her sleeping and nap times, and also accomodate her feeding too!
Not many nursing rooms in Bangkok, so, it is hard to latch her on directly, plus, she struggles @ the breast when milk flow is slow.. so... sigh..think my milk flow drop during this trip, though i try to pump at least 1x a day.. but cos of time constraint..aiyah.. gotta re-establish again..
But the main aim is achieved: to pray to the 4 face buddha! plus, managed to buy some carters rompers, some clothing for myself @ pratunum, bought pigeon stuff @ departmental store and cheaper medication too..
by the way, the plane ride there was smooth with baby.. latched her on on take off, but coming back, she was cranky as she wanted to be rocked to sleep! keke..
Tomorrow, Jadelle will be 10 weeks old and in honour of that, we shave her head. so sad to see her beautiful hair all gone and they were streaked ith brown highlights too..but we decided to do that as her hair at the back was dropping out. And thank god we did it, otherwise, i wouldn't know how bad her cradle cap was... though i have been washing her hair with cradle cap shampoo.
Hm, no time to log in, no time to update. Spend most of my waking hours with my girl. Have to remember to treasure all the moments before i go back to work.. so sianz. especially when she is so much more responsive now.
She is more fun to be with now and will coo and gaga and smile when i talk to her.. but she is also more fussy in the evenings. 7-8pm, only want me to carry.. 8-10pm wants hubby to carry her and jog around the house for 5 min. to put her to sleep..I think it must be due to the bottle feeding and wind in her tummy..well, still can tahan.. haven't really lost my temper yet..
Been out with her a few times.. alone even.. i carry her in a sling and feed her before going out and along with my diaper bag, out we go! So far, been to plaza singapura and viviocity alone with her.. but can't buy clothes leh.. cos gotta carry her..I need some time alone with her.. jalan jalan.. so, i politely decline to deposit her at my MIL place.
Jadelle is also consuming more milk. I can't keep up with her demands and can't fully empty my breast with a pump.. sigh.. so she is now on partial breastfeeding and supplementing with FM.
Now, i have to start planning for the BKK trip with Jadelle and AK. Crossing my fingers she will be a good girl...
Jadelle is slowly establishing her own pattern n timing for feeding.. 12mn, 4am, 6am, 8am, 10am, 12 noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm.. and during the day, she can nap ~ 3-4 hrs in total..
i have been showing her black, white and red flash cards since 2 weeks onwards and she can really focus on things liaoz, so i start her on GD red dots program yesterday, since she starts to stay awake more in afternoons. she does enjoy it! so happy to see her interested expression and her strong focus on the cards.
Expressing breast milk: hmm.. that is a tough one lah.. i can't seem to fit in a regular expressing timing, since i prefer to latch her on.. and the IQ Uno electric pump don't work so well on me leh.. now, i own an iq uno and an iq duo and it both comes with manual pump function too. am getting ~60ml if my breasts are full like every 2-3 hrs.. if i feed her FM, she takes between 60ml - 90ml now.. so, i hope i can soon express enough to match her demand.
Have introduced the bottle to her, both Avent and Pigeon bottle teats.. NUK.. sigh.. forget it lah.. she gets nipple confusion from it. Now, slowly replacing her day feeds with bottle, while i still latch her on in the night until 8am and relatch her back on from 7pm onwards..
Taking things easy seems to work.. i no longer am concerned about how much i express if i get 20ml per session, so be it... supplement with FM at most.
I am also learning to put her down when she is awake and let her play by herself until she calls for me..instead of carrying her all the time.. no joke, when she is now 4.5kg and approaching the weight of a bag of rice!
I have been out a couple of times with her.. to vivio city, to city link/ raffles city/ orchard road/ polyclinic.. and only 1 time, have i been able to go out with her alone. NOT EASY! lots of stuff to carry, plus a wriggly baby who may cry! i can't bring out the stroller with her in it cos i scared she cries and asked to be carried and how to cope with the stroller?? keke..
7 weeks more to go back to work.. i must plan fast now..my career..
Wow, been a while since i last posted.. Jadelle's first month came and went with great success.. been a while since i met so many friends.. especially after being cooped up in the house with the baby..
So happy to finally dress up a little and stop feeling so "auntie".. My confinement lady finally left on monday.. and wow.. really missed her.. she also cried when going back home.. my tears can't help dropping lor..
Its been a week, me and baby @ home.. and its been a great bonding session.. yes, sometimes, feel so tired.. especially in the evenings when she fusses and cries non-stop. Still, i think i take her crying more then my PIL, my hubby.. haha..
Am so glad that i have help and company in morning from my mum's maid. Otherwise, i dunno how to go toilet etc when bb is awake! And thanks to my PIL also for coming over to help with baby when i need an extra pair of hands.. and thanks also to my dear lao gong.. who, though super tired from work, still will jump out of bed to help me with baby..
My birthday ah.. finally turned 28.. haha.. AK and I deposit baby with my PIL and went ot eat sakae sushi.. wow.. really miss the sashimi.. but, my appetite like dropped leh.. since the confinement..
Regarding breastfeeding and bottle feeding and formula feeding.. my milk isn't that fantastic.between 50-70ml now expressed out? I tried the avent isis, avent uno, and now the avent duo.. but quantity stays the same, though the time taken to pump is so much shorter for the dual pump. I really dunno how to input pumping sessions into my latching on.. plus, my girl is so fussy at the bottle, she insists on being latch on after a bottle feed, especially in the evening!
I do give my girl FM, but she never take more then 90ml at one time? and sometimes, only 60ml! but of cos, most of the time, i do latch her on for a while before i give her FM, cos i can feel that my breast isn't very soft and she cries after a while of being latched on, especially in evenings. I count myself lucky that though i bottle feed her, she still latches on well on my breast. now, i only hope i can increase my milk supply even more. Thinking of buying a avent duo and hope it will help me to stimulate my breasts to increase milk production..
Went out a couple of times with baby, in a sling, stroller and nursed her in public everytime, cos she fusses and insists on the breast especially in evening.. so far, ok lah. i dun care what others think leh.. since, my priority is to feed my girl! but i do have nursing tops lah.
I brought Jadelle for her hep. B jab myself and phew.. it is tough going out with her alone manz! I do wish i have enough milk to feed her outside without bottle feeding, cos, going out shopping will be much less barang barang.. btw, she weighs 4.17kg at the weigh in.. gained 1kg from her birth weight and more then 1 kg from her discharged weight.. am so glad.. even if my milk flow dropped later on, at least i BF her for 1 month..
realised that i am back to work next month end! ouch! hope i can get another job ASAP!
My weight? hm, still got to lose 2kg more.. can wear all my tops, but my bottoms.. sigh.. and my tummy.. SIGH...... my brand new bikini.. sob sob.. think i can't wear it for a while liaoz..
Since my last posting, my confinement nanny suggest that we bath baby with the leaf and see if it will calm her down. She said that maybe Jadelle is over stimulated especially if carried by many people.. and guess what?
Today is the 2nd day since I was trying to crack her screaming code.. and she is back to normal! Hmm izzit a coincidence?
today, Jadelle is 19 days old.. and she is changing very fast.. when she drinks her milk, she can open her eyes super big and look at me.. and even know how to complain when milk flow isn't to her liking! She seems to be more alert now.. responding to her cries immediately also helped. She no longer wake up screaming and wailing loudly. Crossing my fingers now..
She doesn't like it if we put her down in her cot once she fell asleep after her milk and will wake up and whimper. So, my nanny have to cuddle her until she falls into a deeper sleep before putting her gently down and even then she will have to keep close and pat pat pat her until she is assured.. I hope i can do as well when i am left alone with her!
Haven't bathe her yet too.. do i still remember how to? i hope so..
How am i? i get really emotional over the smallest things which can trigger tears.. but AK has been a great support.. juz thinking about some stuff that is bothering me can drive me to tears. How weak is that, Jasmine? But, i attribute it to the hormones lah..
I really wonder how much to pay my nanny now.. she doesn't know much about BF and what soups to cook to help me. Can't even massage my breasts.. but she does all the housework n cooking n cleaning lah, but i am the one waking up at night to feed her, though she help me pat Jadelle to sleep (which i am thankful for..). My nanny, as expected is pro- FM, so, 1st week, she plus EVERYONE was trying to tell me give Jadelle formula milk and not be so hard on myself to latch her on even at night..
I lashed out at my M, when she queried is it bb crying constantly cos i got no milk. and until today, she has been giving me the cold shoulder and even when i consulted her about the full month cakes, she tell me no comments and ask me to ask my grandma myself?
My MIL too, been asking me about my milk supply.. GGRHHH... what's wrong with these people? Like i gonna starve my girl? Already not feeling good about the confinement rules about not bathing and i am so SICK of ngor hee, plus hormones all crashing, plus stress of baby plus so yucky over my flabby tummy (SOB!) and they come and pile on the stress on me??
These people are concerned, but they don't realise they add stress to me.. Thank god i don't stay with my MIL now.. and Thank God for AK..... Did i mentioned he is the best thing to happen to me??
Today, Jadelle is 17 days old.. and her mum n daddy are probably hitting few hundred years old, since her incessant crying starts 3 days again from 1pm onwards until evening..
It is hard to decipher her cries. I can't figure out if she is hungry, thirsty, wants comfort or what..
her typical pattern these 3 days are: 12 noon: instead of feeding for 1 hr, she feeds for 30 min in total, 15 min each side before nodding into a light sleep, where she smiles and frowns and moves. 1pm: she wake up after only max 1/2 hr nap and cries again. And we have to carry her and cuddle her. 2 pm: by this time or earlier, her crying becomes insistent and loud and her face turns red. Her rooting reflex kicks in and i feed her again. 2:30pm: she falls asleep again! after feeding for only 30min? 3:15 - 3:30pm: she cries again.. and the carrying and cuddling starts 3:45- 4pm: feeding again for again 30min.. my breast still feels full leh! 4:45pm: her crying becomes incessant.. i put her to nurse again, after which, 10-15 min later, her suckling becomes comfort suckling and i have to unlatch her. She cries again within 10 min of unlatching..process repeats. 7:30pm: mummy has no rest and getting tired as BB repeats her routine..Her cries get louder and more inconsolable as evening prolongs.. it will reach a stage where even nursing her doesn't comfort her! 9:30pm: finally she MAY nurse longer then 30 min.. (if i still have milk left after all the comfort nursing she did, otherwise, Formula milk, here we come!) 12-1am: Another hour of nursing, following which she falls asleep for 2 hrs.. 3-4am: another nursing for 1 hr.. falls asleep for ~2 hrs again.. 6-7 am: another nursing for 45 min - 1 hr.. falls asleep fast after putting her down in the cot 9:30 - 10am: another round of nursing @ 3 hr interval 12pm: final round of nursing @ 3 hr interval before her pattern changes to 1.5 - 2 hr interval..
And the cycle repeats...
i am going crazy liaoz.. now, i try to rest as much as possible at night and in the morning b4 12 noon.. bracing myself for the evenings..
Been exploring whether she is going through cluster feeding or izzit colic.. still undecided..
The worst part is probably the confinement rules.. i hate the parts of not bathing whenever i like, especially after feeding baby and i get all sweaty and sticky and my rashes come out!
Baby latches on fine.. and wakes up for feeds every 1 - 3 hrs interval.. as she feed for min 20 minutes per breast, i have achy arms now..and backache n a lack of sleep.. i realise i am exremely sensitive to her cry and will wake up immediately to feed her.. i can now differentiate her hunger cries liaoz.. but still not sure when she juz need cuddling. breastfeeding her is extremely satisfying but i can't seem to pump my milk out.. i get so stressed when i see the pump bottle.. get only max. 10ml after every nursing.. hope things will improve..otherwise, i dunno how to go back to work..
so far, i ventured out and nursed her both times.. once to the paediatrician and another to the gynae.. feels weird, but dun care lah.. bb more important.. today iz my 10th day of confinement... 20 days to go.. sigh..
We went for the scheduled check up for my princess today @ 9:45am to follow up on her jaundice level etc.
Breastfed her, then fed her a small amount of formula milk to ensure she won't yell the place down for milk @ PD..
Who knows? PD had to attend to an emergency case @ the ward and we had to wait until 10:30am before we can see him.. in the meantime, our princess, who must have been going through her first growth spurt, decides she wants more food and started to cry and search for food! Poor AK, keep telling her he got no milk for her..
Luckily, i decided to wear a nursing bra & top, so we borrowed the changing/ nursing room from the PD and nursed her on 1 side for like 10 minutes..
Just nice, PD came back to the clinic and we were next in line. Took her weight and she regained her birth weight.. On the 3rd day, she weigh 3.07kg, down from her birth weight of 3.19kg. But today, she weighs 3.2kg.. which means that we have been doing something right..
Her motion has improved and has changed in colour, which PD said is a good sign, that she is digesting my breastmilk. Her jaundice is still present, but not too bad. PD asked us to monitor that it doesn't spread downwards and gets worse after 1 week.. Her extra heart mummur? It's GONE! PD said he totally cannot hear it anymore. Just to be sure, we will keep the cardiologist's appointment to ease my worries.
PD said he will be surprised if her motion and urine doesn't improve in frequency within a week, and she is exhibiting good signs.
We were so pleased to hear that.. have been wondering if i was too stubborn about breastfeeding her totally as much as i can cope.. and my in laws keep asking me to give her water to drink.. which the PD 100% objected as it interfere with her cues of hunger and affect her absorption of nutrients..
She is now on 100% breastfeeding and only latch on.. i can't seem to pump out much still.. nevertheless, her motion indicates to me she is having enough for the moment and i refuse to get stressed over the amount i pump out.. will try to stimulate after every feed to increase my milk flow.. since whatever i pump out is so little, not going to store it.. (its like only a teaspoon now from both breasts!)
AK been a great support this week.. will miss him when he goes back to work next week.. Hope i don't start crying manz.. so far so good though..
Took my weight @ PD there.. i weigh 50kg now.. so, 6 kg to go.
I will start my massage on the 14th sept at home.. in the meantime, my auntie will be making for me my bengkung to wrap around my tummy after the jamu herb applications..our indonesian tradition.. hope it helps to get rid of that tummy!
Its really hot @ home, though i do have natural wind from the windows (THANK GOD!). I am not allowed to blow aircon/ fan..and even though i wipe myself down with ricewine and hot water.. after every hot meal.. i perspire like mad.. i do make an effort to clean before i feed baby though.. hope all will be ok..
~2am: played finish mj.. can't sleep so chatted with AK ~4am: tummy ache.. did some big biz and noticed blood flowing out.. also, had "urine incontinence".. aa huge gush of water came out.. later on, realised it was my water bag.. :P.. Called up Gynae.. gynae advised us to make our way slowly to Mt. Alvernia.. ~4:30am: We left our place, after taking a shower and some photos.. started having mild menstrual cramping like pain every 5 minutes.. so.. those are what contractions feel like..
5am: reach Mt. A's labour ward and "checked in". Was given enema to pass out all the motion left in my system... contractions starts to get stronger..
10am: gynae arrived.. I was only 3-4cm dilated. Put on oxytoxin drip to make the contractions stronger. The contractions peaked @ 130 strength.. AK & I noticed that when the contractions strengthened, baby's heartbeat will drop.. got a little worried and starting talking to her. Still can tahan the contractions, with the help of the yoga breathing techniques..
2pm: still only 4cm dilated.. contractions @ > 100 strength is coming in every 2 minutes. Yoga breathing techniques still helping.. at peak of the contractions, i breathe in a little of the gas.. it does take the edge off the pain a little. Baby's heartbeat still drops @ peak of contractions.. i was worried and hope that baby isn't too distressed.. cos that will lead her to pass motion in the womb. decide to take epidural, as i don't know how long it will take.. although still can cope with the pain.. i was crossing my fingers and hoping that the epidural will allow me to dilate faster and get baby out ASAP..
4pm: 6cm dilated. The mid wife helped to stretch my cervix wider..
5:30pm: Gynae arrived and i am 10 cm dilated.. we started to push.. The epidural has worn off a little and i can feel every contraction.. though not super pain.. the pushing was tough.. i can't push 4x within 1 contraction.. it made me breathless and faint..
6pm: Gynae said the head can be seen.. he needs to use vacuum as bb is still not facing my spine.. a few times, the vacuum came off.. and um.. blood splattered all over the nurses, AK, gynae n me..the nurses was asking each other whether got kanna their hairband boh..
6:55pm: Gynae holds open my cervix.. didn't use the vacuum anymore and ask me to push really hard and out pops Jadelle and placed on my lap.. i nearly cried.. it was so unbelieveable..
7-7:15pm: baby was examined, weight taken.. PD came.. i vomited and kanna my hair.. (damn it!). muz be due to the epidural.. was given something in my drip to stop the vomitting..
7:20pm: I start to feel really lousy.. the feeling was like i reach the end of the world, i can't revert to my pre pregancy stage, i felt like dying and it seems like if i black out.. that's it.. to prevent myself slipping further into this state.. i voiced out how i feel.. immediately, everyone's attention was on me.. AK ask me if i wanted to hold the baby, i told him to throw the baby out and told him it is all his fault! arrgghh.. think i even mentioned that i wanted to die.. and all this in the midst of delivering my placenta!
8pm: Gynae starts to stitch me up. I was still not myself.. and told him i want to go home and get off the bed now.. even moved my legs which is still heavy with the epidural medication..
9pm: the allergic reaction the the anti vomitting drug wearing off.. and i feel more like myself.. back aches.. and i kept stretching myself.. and asking for more water.. was wheeled back to the ward..
So, that is my birth story.. it was pretty scary, the final part. Makes me wonder if i dare to go through that process again. but i was glad that stage is over. Can't believe how can i have said that i want to throw away my darling girl..
After delivering Jadelle, she was warded in ICU for 4 hrs for observation and drainage as she was distressed and pass motion in the womb and also swallowed some of it..
The PD also detected an extra sound in her heart..which is cos one of the foetal blood vessels which was supposed to close upon birth.. didn't managed to close 100%. now, Jadelle has a 2mm gap that allows extra blood to flow to the heart which might cause the heart to overwork in severe cases.. however, on the 3rd day, the sound can hardly be heard liaoz by the PD. So, we will go for follow up with the PD and cardiologist to ensure that 1 month later, the gap has fused closed.
We also stayed an extra day as Jadelle has slight jaundice of 9. Was discharged together on the 4th day as it is below 10 (@ 8.5).
Now, gotta monitor her urine and motion.. as she seems to be passing too little.. i latch her on and breastfeed her every 1 hr- 1.5 hr in the day (ooh.. my nipples r sore!) and at night, i do that still but add on Formula milk after breastfeeding to enable her to get more water and food for passing motion..)
My milk kick in today.. after bf her for 1 hr.. can pump out 1 teaspoon.. keke.. slowly lah.. but i think, her sucking is better @ extracting milk..
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