And here we go again.. it is no. 3 now.. after almost 5 years.. and this round.. A GIRL!

The last 4 years since 2009 has been tough, challenging, rewarding and especially, busy busy busy.. I grew into my new career as a realtor, juggling a toddler, a baby, doing sales, team building and a growing clientele base.. Just when kids are stabilising and i am at the stage where i really miss that stage when they were growing.. i discovered that i am pregnant..

Now.. the 3rd round.. things are very relaxed for me.. bo chap.. but i am getting clumsier and heavier.. so far.. put on only 1 KG @ 22 weeks.. more to come!!


What have i done so far for the pregnancy?

For mommy to use:
- confirm postnatal massage x 10 sessions
- bought some maternity clothes & nursing clothes
- Breastpump x 2 Avent manual
- MIM baby sling + Pupsik sling
- BB playpen + Mattress + Mattress covers + 1 pillow
- Stroller Cover
- washed the 2 maclaren strollers
- need to take back my Ergo bb carrier, my Bjorn bb carrier, my playmat, my infant carseat from SIL
- New steriliser pigeon
- milkbags

For BB to use:
- NB tops shortsleeve
- NB tops long sleeve


haha.. i think i am a bochap mummy really this round. and sleepless mummy!!

Ashton.. what a cheerful boy!

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i love their cheeky smiles.. brightens up my day!


Ashton learnt to turn!


In his lowered playpen.. he was kind of shocked..


How to get out??






He Is really growing fast!

He just learnt to sit up 2 weeks ago.. and 1 week ago learnt to crawl.. and he is now attempting to stand!

He can "complain" now if i walk away.. calling out "mama mama" and actually makes pitiful faces!

Today, he just learnt to hold his milk bottle and take it out from his mouth and put it back in..

AK & I are so amazed.. Was Jadelle ever that fast? I guess having a sibling push no. 2 to learn faster!

But, i wish he stay a baby longer..:(

time flies.. Jadelle is 3 on 3rd september..

Crazy over disney princess now..


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Dinner after JAdelle's first movie (G Force). It was her outing with Daddy & Mummy alone!


Choosing her present @ Toys R us! Ariel!! Camera! Cheese!


Trying out those fluffy party hairbands!


Pretty Ballerina..



Digging into her Barbie chocolate sponge cupcake cake in school!


With current best pal - Yixuan!


With her class & teachers!


Cheeky girl & her worned out mummy (A Challenge to run after her to dress her up!!)


Jadelle's a princess on her 3rd birthday!


Latest Family potrait and her 2nd birthday cake!


In school with her Princess cake! Mymmy & Daddy did not work!


.. With her looking like a Princess!




Her Barbie Princess Cupcake cake!

Well, no biggie celebration for her this year.. but it is her first ever birthday celebration in school..and she got to cut 2 cakes.. and spent her day with mummy & daddy in school.

We also took her out to her first Movie and she get to choose 2 presents from Toys R Us.. luckily we didn't break the bank!

Really naughty girl, but so cute when she is nice.. but.. what a nasty temper she has.. sigh..

Officially a SAHM...Ashton is 4 months old..

I was supposed to return to work on may 10.. things turned as per predicted and I am now a SAHM.. the good thing? no need to serve 2 months notice but still get 2 months salary..

the bad thing? My self esteem is hit. I am unsure about what's next..

Going through some interviews.. see where it brings me.. but I am tired of climbing the corporate ladder to get the next promotion.. I think i am getting older.

Now, just wish to spend more time with my family and less time to think about work. Wish I can stay at home and have $2k min. to spend.. that would be nice.. dreaming about it.. haha..

but then, how to make it come through??

Ashton is 4 months old this coming week and 17 weeks.. Time flies.. he smiles alot.. and can yell really loud. Recognise my face and his daddy's face, and definitely Jadelle's face.. And he can hold his head so well now upright.. already he has learned to flip from tummy to back and just yesterday, he flip from back to tummy.. I was so happy.. I remembered how excited i was about jadelle's development at that time..

Today, i noticed that he has started to explore toys with his mouth and fingers.. can hold his toys really well and aimed for them too.. his grip is so strong..

My little Ashton is growing too fast for my liking.. Soon, he will start his weaning journey.. Getting ready for it slowly now..

wanchai zhuhai seafood street


Ash & Jade @ Venetian


portuguese food.. - jade having fever..

buying snacks n egg tarts

gondola canal.. n largest shopping mall in macau venetian

back from hong kong.. never again!!

fresh seafood @ zhuhai

finally @ zhuhai, Hing got stuck due to his passport..


@ Bella Suite in Venetian Macau! 6 adults, 3 infants, 1 room!


Cha Chan Teng @ HK


On ferry to MAcau..

Will never be so ambitious to go so many places with both kids and for 8 days!! Jadelle was difficult and insisted on being carried.. Ashton only wants me, so end up, MIL handled Jadelle.. until she was super tired out..

Had food poisoning in turns, and jadelle & her cousin both kanna high fever and cough in Macau. FIL also had food poisoning (we conclude it was the congee he ta bao back to hotel).

Nevertheless, we did visit the following places all 6 adults and 1 toddler & 2 infants..
- Tsimshashui
- Repulse Bay
- Stanley Market (Bought cute grip socks, burberry jeans n oshkosh jumper, thomas & frens bags and socks)
- The Peak (had dinner @ Bubba Gump with fantastic view)
- Dim sum @ Shamrock seafood restaurant (60 sgd ! Value for $$) and MAxim's Grand palace (200 sgd for best dim sum restaurant in HK!!)
- Wong Tai Sin Temple
- Ladies Market
- Venetian Macau - food court cost us 80 sgd!
- Taipa Village (Macau) - nice to walk!
- Dinner @ Portuguese restaurant Dumbo ) - 60 sgd only
- St Pauls & Senado Square (Macau) - yum yum peanut cookie tasting and great photos! Jadelle blew bubbles @ the Square!
- Shopping & Seafood @ ZhuHai China (60 sgd only! Choose ur own seafood! We had super big and fresh Osyters, scallops, fish, clams, etc!!)
- Shopping @ Sogo in HK (Bought 2 Longchamp bags @ real steal of 180sgd!)
- Old wife's biscuits shopping
- Disneyland (expensive!! but so much fun!!)

spare tyre..

ok, i feel like a goddamn spare tyre at home.. MIL jaga jadelle.. maid jaga ashton.. i only feel useful during ashton's feeding time.. but cannot latch so often liaoz.. he seemed to be rejecting the bottle!!

and i feel so useless also about my work! Now on ML, helpless.. dun understand wat's happening at work..

My pay was cut this month.. is this allowed??

sahm?? haha..

some thinks that being a tai tai is a luxury that one enjoy if their ah lau earn enough.. but, how much is enough?

the last 3 months, in spite of uncertainty, i been going thru the lifestyle of a SAHM and been shopping on weekdays, eating out with frenz, fetching my girl to school.. time flies..

mostly enjoyable.. these past 3 months, i had alot of help and support from in laws and maids.. a piviledge that few enjoy. yet, increasingly, i feel so lonely.. so out of touch.. very unwanted, the spare tyre to entertain.

@ MIL place, jadelle is handled by her (feeding, playing, washing, bathing etc) and i am mostly ignored by her, made worse by the fact that i have a permanent milk sucker latched on. when she doesn't want MIL< instead of me, she ask for my SIL to do stuff with her... this hurts so badly.. but i "ren".. cos, they still love her, not like torturing her?

but when she exhibits selfish behaviour that i condone and insist on correcting, i become the bad person. and she runs even more to the shelter of her grandparents and auntie for comfort and hugs.. frankly, i don't know how to correct... i only know my mum's method.. which only is applied when i go crazy and turn white with anger.. then, i lose control for that few minutes...i am actually capable of whacking my girl until she turn unconscious..that i am no better then my past caregivers..

i want to leave it all behind now. i despise this lifestyle and question why i have to be bogged down by all these? i want to be free.. yet i chose this.. love ain't enough after all.. i say this after so many years of dating.. cos we dun juz marry for love. u marry the entire family, u get bogged down by commitments and chained to a job u hate, u get driven mad by ur own flesh and blood..

my take? stay single & RICH AND HAVE COMMITMENT FREE FLINGS..

if one has to marry, choose one that is filthy rich - no commitment issues.. and oh yes, not in danger of going bankrupt and turning penniless.. (but u have to work extra hard to keep that man's eyes on u alone.) This way, u get to enjoy a tai tai life, spend as much money as u like, no need to slog for a salary to pay the bills.. and yes.. i hate to say this.. but it is true after all..

LOVE IS THE LOWEST RANK OF IMPORTANCE..cos, love fades..especially in the face of the daily grind of our lives..

now, since i had fallen into the pit with a glance at a miserable 0..3 carat ring, and tied myself further into this prison with 2 children.. and a seeming lack of communication with the other half.. won't be surprised if he seeking comfort from the crazy ice queen at home in the arms of another woman..what can i do?

wat is the way out? i am a mental case, i hug my girl in public but can possibly whack her senseless in private if i really go bonkers.. she aint safe with me..

divorce? thought about it.. useless..no job, no patience with my kids, kids being attached to in laws..unless i canwalk away from it all? can i bear to do that??

jadelle is insecure and in her terrible twos..

i am typing this feeling very down.. since ashton's arrival.. she has been feeling insecure and attention seeking from us and her grandparents and auntie..

yet, when she is sweet, she asked about Ashton and ask to sleep next to him etc.. i see her kissing him also..

but, her manner of seeking attention and getting her own way: screaming and crying and flailing her arms around and kicking and slapping people.. is driving me crazy..

Why does she do that? When she wants something, she juz turn on the tap.. was it because her grandparents give in to her tears too much and she keep pushing the limit? or was it a manner of seeking attention?

She knows that she has to share my attention with Ash. and she demands full attention from her grandma and auntie.

Recently, she has been demanding the items her auntie bought and meant to give her own son, Maderick. Is this her way to get the attention of her aunt to herself? to feel wanted? or is it just simply terrible twos?

When we do not give in, or the request is simply not achievable, no amount of reasoning is accepted by her and she starts throwing her tantrums and turning on the tap.

yes, i know it sounds exactly like me.. she behaved exactly like me when i was young.. what did my mum do? told me off in a firm and no nonsense voice to stop yelling.. and when that fails, she slapped me..

i told myself not to do that, to be patient, but i am at the brink of my sanity.. this week, i did the following to her:

slapped her face 4x
spanked her butt 5x
hit her hands 5x
cleaned her face agressively with a towel until marks appeared..
shouted at her in loud voices
threatened her to behave by warning that privileges will be removed.

AK also been behaving rather aggressively to her. he just flipped/ threw her on the bed after she vomitted and kept crying nonstop and refused to wear a particular pants..

she got headlice from her classmates.. we are trying to resolve this and it has been a very stressful period for me..

When Ashton and Jadelle both screamed.. i yelled at them and screamed and hit and whack back..

it is of no help that:

1) my relatives shunned me and indirectly blamed me for putting them in danger of contacting headlice..
2) i still have no luck in hunting for a new job
3) i feel so tired from breastfeeding, pumping (so little i can pump out.), handling jadelle and latching Ashton on every 2 hrs, instructing the maid, listen to nonsense from PIL, ferrying everyone to PIL place every morning, bring jadelle to school etc.
4) AK been yelling at me about my parenting method.

I dun think i can cope now.. my mind is full of negative stuff.. i feel despair.. what happened to my sweet girl? i can see in her eyes she dun want me already..

Already, she dun feel like my daughter, more like my MIL's grandaughter..

i wish i can die and leave everything behind in peace.....maybe i get peace of mind?

or maybe, i can leave all behind.. i dun think MIL will ever let me take care of their grandchildren if i ever file a divorce with AK..